lifeless.

Friday, April 22, 2005

last tuesday was a really dramatic day for me..

someone i knew from frenster chatted with me on msn claiming that fadli's been 2-timing me.she gave me all the correct details abt fadli to confirm that its the correct guy and that the girl fadli's been going out with is her best fren,which is his schmate.they've been together since valentines day and she frequently met fadli near his house at nite.her fren even showed a picture of them together and she said that it was really fadli.

this is what she told me.so i called her up.and talk to the girl.

more details.going to sch together,going back together,etc.just like any other couple.the girl even wondered how fadli can spend his time between 2 girls.she also said that she dun mind letting fadli go cos she knew i was longer with him.

just imagine my feelings,my thoughts,my reactions when i heard all of this.i was stunned ok.i was too bloody shocked.hundreds of things ran thru my mind and suddenly..tears were rolling down my cheeks.i knew i couldn't take it.

i immediately called fadli up and asked him everything.i couldn't speak properly because i was crying.so he insisted in meeting me and sending me to school after that.so i met him near my house.he took a cab with his fren mamat.and i told him everything.

he admitted that he took a picture with the girl.he told me that the girl had feelings for him and she made up stories.i was so confused.at that point of time,i was feeling all mixed up.i believed him,but at the same time,i was having doubts.he started convincing me and promised me that he'd confront the girl.i forced myself to believe him because i felt that i couldnt believe anyone else.i knew fadli better than the girl and naturally,i would believe him.and i also had no proof of anything so,haiz.only god knoes how i felt that day.

even if all of that were true,i dun want to believe the news.i dun wanna let him go.im not ready to lose him.and i will never be.and if all of that were to be true,i would want to force my self to believe that its all lies and we can start everything anew.call me stupid.i know i am.but i dun wana feel hurt again.im tired.im sick of being broken hearted.furthermore he's the only one person that i have strong feelings for.

i ended up not going to class on that day and spent the whole day with him.he told me to forget everything abt the matter and told me that he'll always be there for me.he was being so sweet,like any other days,but that day was different.i loved him even more and i guess that incident made our feelings stronger.

after confronting the girl,he called me up and told me that the girl din wana talk to him.i dunnoe.

to _______ , im sorry.i noe u trusted yr best fren and thus,u dun wana accept the fact that shes been cheated.im sorry but i trusted my boyfren too.im not trying to say that ur trying to wreck our r'ship.i was feeling worked up that day and i just typed out everything jus to convince myself.im sorry.

i noe this is a very personal entry but i really need to let it out.at least,to anybody who cares.my life is packed,i have a very tight schedule to follow up every day,probably till forever.if its not work,then school.and i really gotta start studying.i only met fadli twice a week these days.im wiped out.i really am.

and then..this incident.added to my causes of 'pikiran'.but i just hope..i would forget it.and get used to my busy life.

im tired of feeling tired.

voiced out
12:28 AM