lifeless.

Friday, March 30, 2007

i have a spoiled mouse and ive been using the keyboard all the way. cool or what? haha. cool kebabai. leceh. very lazy to go online actually cos of this mouse problem but i really couldn't sleep and i don't know... like very sad today.

advantages of holidays= spending more time with friends, catch up with them, can earn that much needed money by working. i get to go out with rizman, azmi plus a whole lot of people that i have not met for quite some time. thats good i guess. and ju came over my house just now! finally. she's grown sooooo much chubbier. and we did exchange a whole lot of stories. =)

disadvantages= work work work, tireeeeed, laaaazy, boooored. rot at home= mendak. go out go out go out= waste money. miss my classmates :( yeaa thank god pay is coming sooon. and april is loaded with birthdays! so is that a good or a bad thing? hmm.

haiz k la... im actually sad lah today. no idea why. sometimes i just don't know what to do anymore. its been exactly a month now since bla bla. please tell me this can be over soon? i wonder how some people can easily forget everything...its just so fucking hard sei. i've kept myself busy. and then what? i still can't get it off my mind. so whats the next step? it takes time? how long more? months? years? never? urgh. it will be even better if you could just come back and let everything start again like it was 2 years ago...even though i know its just wishful thinking, its not impossible. i hope for this everyday. until when, i dont know. its just weird. for the past 2 years we've been best friends,shared every dirty little secret, seen the bad sides of each other, known each other's families, laughed&cried together and after an incident happened, BOOM. we just stopped contacting and are what now, strangers? is that how failed relationships are supposed to work? its just sad isn't it. when the person that was once so close to you before suddenly just stopped asking about you. i don't know if he feels the same way too. i didn't try to contact him too. because, ntah lah its just not right. yeah these are all lessons in life. and yeah i AM learning to overcome all of these. i AM trying. its just that i don't know whether all of this is working out. im just so sick. sick of what, i dont know. this is not even pms and i am babbling..wth.

maybe i guess i should knock some sense into my head immediately. i should stop hoping. i should stop believing. because the fact was, he has forgotten about me. he doesn't want me anymore. obviously he doesn't think that we could somehow start everything again. he doesn't appreciate our moments and i guess to him, we are really done and over with. he has moved on, since loooooong ago and i felt so stupid for not realising that. all his words are just lies. he lied to me. oh god like i dont know for how many fucking times. you could have told me right from the start that it is her that you wanna be with, instead of me. you do not have to say that you had enough of relationships, or that you still love me but we can't be together. those are all bullshits. full of fucking excuses. the fact was, YOU WANTED TO BE WITH HER AND NOT ME. why can't you just fucking say that straight to my face the other day? why must you make me hope macam budak bodoh sak? you knew i will easily believe you so that is why you took advantage? kenapa nak kene kesian kesian sey? you make me hope and then you just dissappear and left me to discover abt it slowly. i never knew you could be this cruel. i have never imagined you to be treating me this way. like what the heeeeeeeell. fucking shit.

voiced out
2:34 AM