lifeless.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

after reading syirah's, i do somehow felt that pinch also. personally, ramadhan holds memories for me too. 3 years ago during this month was when i got to know him. haha i could still remember everything perfectly. the malu-malu feelings, the occasional teasings, breaking fast at his granny's, badminton matches almost every night, watching him play takraw. and the next year was his turn to break fast at my home, no more malu-malu feelings, him teasing me about my err, big feet while shopping for my hari raya shoes until it makes me cry haha! and our first time (and i guess probably the last too) wearing the same colour for hari raya. haha memories memories...

i don't know if i missed him. i don't know how i feel towards him now. but i know i have still yet to get over him. after all these while, i never did. even if i was ogling or getting to know other guys, deep down, he is still there, somehow. i wanted to get rid of everything, i just wonder how long will it take me. what's the use, when he doesn't even think about us anymore. i don't usually think about him as much as before, only during certain times like this. i'm not even sure if i liked thinking about him because it makes me cry yet it makes me happy too. oh well, complications of the heart.

so anyway, i've been bumming out like no one's business for the past few days. the routine is always on the computer till sahur, wait for subuh, sleep, woke up at 3plus pm, pray, tidy up the house, go hospital, home, tv, computer, etc. it may seemed like the most meaningless routine ever during the holidays but i'm loving it! it doesn't even feel like i'm fasting. i'm even planning to stay this way till hari raya. i don't want to work. i am sick of working. just maybe if i have the mood, i'll go out and find a new job. but in the meantime, i just wanna slack. so that means i have to make do with the balance in my bank account. heh.

tmr will be a date with fara to geylang! wait till i get my hands on you dengdeng... *evil laughs*

voiced out
2:08 AM